My quest for spiritual realization started in childhood and, as I’ve come to learn, it is also the case of many people who experience, like I did,  this all embracing pain called in German “weltschmerz”, a deep yearning to come back to the embracing hands of the Beloved. It  appeared as a paralyzing take over of a feeling in the Heart that made me  turn  to a search in many disciplines of life,  looking for the correct knowledge to guide me to the origin of this profound need. Ultimately I found that knowledge as such was not at all helpful, rather I had to drop all belief systems and forget everything I was told about this world and myself. But one good thing emerged in this process: I had to let my mind grow sufficiently to permit itself to surrender again and again, until it could grasp both it’s limitation and power and then simply rest.

On this path I learned to properly activate my mind and make it a tool for expanding towards Infinity, which is the most noble task the mind could have if it wants to truly accompany the quest of the Heart and consciously become a Soul, a singular place of rest within the never ending motion of consciousness, beyond time and space.

As a youth I was first looking for the answers in the discipline of science, mainly in cosmology and nuclear physics and participated in a summer project for talented young scientists in a nuclear center in Israel and also went to hear lectures from known astrophysicists at the Technion institute of Technology. But in parallel I was so immersed in the music that best expressed my anguish, the classical romantic music of the 19^th century. I was insisting to learn German, to understand the words that were sung in Schubert’s and Mahler’s Lieder, in a language that was not so popular among my age group at that time.

Disappointed at the nuclear physicists, that were eternally looking to discover new particles according to dry inexplicable formulas and even at cosmologists that gave meaningless descriptions of star systems and theories, avoiding their self understanding in this particular world, I turned to write poetry and embarked upon Engineering as an optional way to, at least, manipulate matter if not understand where it comes from. Electrical Engineering was completely boring and so again I was immersed in classical music. Before I noticed I had to serve six years as a technical army officer and channel all my creativity and yearning in a hieratical and inflexible society. Throughout my short and successful military career I also escaped to literature and made a Master’s degree.  I read a vast amount of books trying again to understand “what’s behind all this”, and in my thesis compared the visions of Reality and complexity expressed in written texts with that of quantum mechanics.  For me then, peak achievements in literature, books like those of Thomas Mann, and scientific quantum theories,  were equal examples of how the human mind confronts with Reality, striving like me to understand Totality and encountering both it’s power and limitation.

As I realize now it was all just like the game of children when they guide each other on the treasure saying “very cold, cold, chilly, warm, hot, burning hot”. And when I heard inside that “cold” has been said I learned to let life’s spiral lead me to a complete shift in attitude, space and time, knowing that it is the exactly same quest taking another form. I followed that call and left with my partner, with whom I got married a few years earlier. Thus it was possible for me to see that how human quest for romantic love is another disguise of the Soul seeking evolution to Union through Polarity. Amor represented an exteriorized image of the Beloved that we all have inside and ignore, longing to feel completion within Self love. So we got to Spain, with a scholarship to supposedly investigate my ancient Sephardim family roots. This was soon to become a conscious spiritual quest even in literature -  to explore a Sephardim version of the cabalistic Book of  Splendor  - in my PhD thesis at the University of Granada.

When the scholarship ended we followed life necessities to survive as artists, an ethnic musician, pianist-drummer and a dancer, and did not look for our former professions as aid. It was like forgetting everything that we learned before. But soon afterwards my sister got breast cancer and I spent the summer of 98 with her in chemotherapy treatment. It was then I figured out that the spiritual quest must become serious and comprehensive for me if  I really want to satisfy my inner need. We encountered a lovely English Medium and healer who was to become our first conscious spiritual teacher. As a person with scientific background, trying to understand this world, I was amazed to find that she could communicate with something that she called spirit and that spiritual entities were not manifest in the physical world. The information she got was not at all explicable through any scientific vision or sensory knowledge of the world. We also learned spiritual healing from her and noticed that it simply worked with Yasmin, our new born baby. She would peacefully sleep through a night after having a short healing session when she had a bad cold and otherwise would have constantly awaken coughing. But mostly I started feeling that there was something hidden from us until then, a sense of Inner Guidance that was leading my life and that I could listen to and be directed by. I now understand this as an awakening to the path of the Heart through  prayer, a key to manifestation, synchronicity and to all true powers of the Soul.

Since then the conscious spiritual quest was clearly about feeling Guidance  and guiding others through their own unique path,  understanding that my karma was to teach anything I learned and let go.  Soon after, I met a friend who introduced me indirectly to the teaching of his spiritual teacher, then called Kristof Aziz, a person whom he considered truly enlightened.  Until then enlightenment was a foreign goal to me although I read many spiritual books from the Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Sufi and Christian traditions. I spent quite some time investigating the writings of Yogananda, Rudolf Steiner, Krishnamurti, Omraam Aivanhov, Sogyal Rinpoche, Sant Thakar Singh, Elisabeth Haich, Ken wilber, Muktananda and practicing healing according to Barbara Ann Brennan, channeling through the books of Sanaya Roman and Jane Roberts, regression therapy with Brian Weiss, astral projection with tapes of Robert Monroe, Nidra Yoga guided by Satyananda and met with some spiritual masters like Dadi Janki, Carlos Elías Michan, Drunvalo Melchizedek and a sufi master from Turkey.     

But this teacher preached a spiritual path which was a shortcut to enlightenment beyond traditions that was, so he claimed, a revolution in consciousness and a step further from any prior synthesis of traditions. At the core of his awakening system was evolution of inner states of consciousness through the Zen practice of meditation, but at it’s heart was an awakening to Grace in the Non Dual tradition of Ramana Maharshi. The tapes of his guided meditations sounded like channeled transmissions from the Beyond and were truly profound. He also found a clear connection between the breath and states of  Conscious Awareness  and Absorption. I adopted his insights into meditation but didn’t meet him personally until years later, after doing a great deal of the path on my own. In those years I worked with his meditations intimately and with great discipline, but kept my heart open to prayer, constantly seeking Inner Guidance. Although finally I did not become his disciple I must say his teaching were a blessing to my and I feel thankful for encountering it on my path. The tools of meditation that I learned from this path were very significant and I use them alongside with prayer, healing, soul channeling and other tools to this day. To his request for anonymity I avoid mentioning his current spiritual name and dropped the article which analyzed my experience in our meeting before the retreat he gave in 2008 in Israel. t took me some years to drop his specific concept of enlightenment and inner states. I could see how it was doing more damage, conditioning people by projecting a state of consciousness that belongs to the mind and becomes their prison, than helping them in their spiritual growth as souls. I learned to simply Be myself and listen to my inner voice.  

In parallel I searched within for whatever comprehensive view of Reality I could find that embraces both science and profound  spiritual teachings. We settled in the south of Spain and established a Center for Self Realization where we  hosted many workshops and spiritual teachers. It was a humble corner at the heart of capitalism. Marvelous intensive times of spiritual and cultural service to a small Spanish city with gatherings, classes, performances and courses came. One of the most important spiritual teachers was a friend that had multiple sclerosis and was empowered by it. I could say that his touch was decisive in my realization and that from him I learned to simply surrender within, everywhere and anytime, no matter what the outer conditions might be. I felt prayer to be the most important tool to open our heart to the Beloved and become sensitive to Grace and finally recognized how we become That for the first time in his presence. His soul was completely pure and enlightened and his teaching was based completely on Grace, and he stand for me as an example of surrender to this day.

  Five years passed and we heard the call from within to sell everything and leave for nature. Getting detached from this project, from my social relations, my books and my CD’s and selling everything in the market place was  perhaps the greatest lesson of all. Having a family already I could feel how easy it is for souls to get involved and become attached to this plain, not only through identifying themselves with their mind, body and emotions, but also with their children, family and belongings. Earth is not a trap, more likely it is a school for the human race to gain consciousness through direct experience and evolve within Totality.

Throughout this time I had remembrances from the collapse of another civilization, a one that preceded our current world and from past lives. I understood this is going to be a unique time in history and that I came here to finally graduate and offer my small contribution. I  also met with people that I could recognize as my soul mates, something that I now consider a great gift for spiritual awakening and mostly an opportunity to make peace in those relations letting go of tendencies we carry on with ourselves as we evolve.

When my PhD tutor died suddenly, I first wanted to complete the last quarter of the thesis, but then realized it was pointless. As always, in the depth of Reality we can find our best spiritual teacher and it shows us in which direction to go. For myself, I already understood Cabbala and it would not help anyone if I worked further to publish something that would be limited by the rules of an anachronistic academic world. Again, it was a great lesson to let go of  my mind’s projection during 10 years and also a good idea for the ego to recline the title. Instead I decided to become truly free at the of 40, so after we sold our Self Realization Center we moved to simple life in Nature. It is here where I compose a handbook for those, who like me happened to notice how they had taken and thrown upon themselves duties, masks and functions according to the hidden plan of their Soul.  To them  I wish to dedicate these book in hope to serve the Awakening of Consciousness on earth and to all those souls that resonate with a spiritual growth that embrace science and all spiritual traditions with natural simplicity. May it serve all those that encounter it on their path of growth and become my humble offering to the Eternal.